Are you unsafe right now
Is someone you know unsafe at home?
Family violence often happens behind closed doors, making it hard for people experiencing abuse to reach out for support.
We need to look out for our loved ones and each other. By asking someone you know ‘are you safe at home?’, your support could make a real difference.
If you’re worried someone you know may be experiencing family violence, ask if they are safe and if there’s anything you can do to help. Many people worry they’ll be interfering, but with the right approach this conversation could make a real difference.
Wait until you have an opportunity to speak with the person alone and approach the conversation sensitively and empathetically. Don’t pressure them to talk if they are uncomfortable. Be patient and let them know you’re there if they need to talk.
It takes a lot of strength and courage to tell someone about violence or abuse. If someone opens up to you, it’s important that you listen without interrupting, believe them, and take the abuse seriously.
Start the conversation
How do I ask someone if they are safe at home?
It can be hard to know what to do if you’re worried someone in your life is unsafe. Simply asking, listening and believing them can have a big impact.
This flow chart is only a guide. Approach the conversation in a way that feels right.
Questions you can ask
You can support your friend or relative by asking the following questions:
- What can I do to help you?
- How is the behaviour affecting you?
- How is the behaviour affecting your children?
- What do you think you should do?
- What are you afraid of if you leave?
- What are you afraid of if you stay?
Respect their choice
Respect their choices and don’t judge them if they want to stay.
From the outside, leaving a violent relationship may seem like a simple solution. But there are many valid reasons why someone may choose to stay, including:
- Fearing the violence could get worse if they try to leave
- Relying financially on the person who is abusing them
- Feeling like they have nowhere to go
- Loving and caring for the abuser
- Hoping that the situation may improve
- Relying on the abuser for physical or emotional care and support
Remember, family violence is never excusable, and it is not the victim survivor’s fault. Keep in contact with them regularly and check in on how they are going.
Providing support
Your friend or relative might not be ready to seek a support service. How can you provide support?
By believing and affirming the person’s experiences, you can keep the door open for future conversations. You can also call a support service and share what you’ve heard – services can provide support and advice on what to do next.
Are they unsafe right now?
If anyone is in immediate danger, call triple zero (000). It’s okay to seek help for someone else.
If someone you know may be using violence
There are some important things to remember if you’re concerned someone you know may be using violence.
Most importantly, take care and stay safe. Try to avoid situations where the person who is being abusive could harm or manipulate you. Don’t try to intervene directly if you see someone being assaulted, call the police on triple zero (000).
When talking to someone who may be using violence:
- Tell them about specific behaviour you have observed
- Avoid accusing, arguing with, or judging them
- Tell them you are concerned about their partner or family’s safety
- Don’t get involved in excusing the abuse
- Remind them that help and support is available
- Let them know you believe they can change
If you only know about the abuse because the victim has told you, ask them first before saying anything to the perpetrator. The person using violence may become more abusive if they think their family member has told someone.
Looking after yourself
Supporting a friend or relative who is being abused can be difficult.
Remember to look after yourself and get help if you need it. You can contact a specialist family violence service for advice.
Community languages
Access information, advice, and support for people experiencing family violence, and their friends and family. Click on each language to view or download the resources in your preferred language.
Easy English
Information from this website is also available in an Easy English downloadable booklet called ‘How to feel safe at home if there is family violence’.
